So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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