can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
