ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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