this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
