I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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