I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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