I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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