You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
