If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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