I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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