whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
