He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
