dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize