I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
