FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
