The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
