I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
