just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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