did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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