whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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