I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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