Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize