she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
