It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
