my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
of course. lets lasso hookers.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
