my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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