Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
