I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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