My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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