you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
