we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
