living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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