We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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