Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
