yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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