epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I need water and some morals
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
