Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize