Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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