thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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