My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
