If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
