I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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