I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
