on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
