I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
