I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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