I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
