office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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