you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
