a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
