haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
