How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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