Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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