New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
