If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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