you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
