A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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