I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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