Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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