I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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