I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
