remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
