i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize