Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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