she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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