I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
