That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
