I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
