Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize