I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
