And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
